well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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