what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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