Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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