Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
