Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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