I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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