we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
