nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
