my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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