Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
