And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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