you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
