I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
