I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize