You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
