Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
