Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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