STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
