After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
