Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
