I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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