I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
