Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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