Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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