I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
