I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
