this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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