You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
