I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize