no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
