Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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