Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
