you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
