I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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