I met the friendliest cop last night
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
