god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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