The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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