Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
