She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
