I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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