And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
