This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
