Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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