i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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