tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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