It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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