I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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