I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
