Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Green mimosas i think yes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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