I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
