so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize