so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
