i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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