Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
