I think my vagina is haunted
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
