He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
