I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
