There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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