Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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