It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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