Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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