I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
