I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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