God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
