I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
