I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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