i just wanna soil my oats bro
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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We left the knife in your bed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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