She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
