oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
