I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
