dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize