fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
